roots

Follow me to where our rivers run
Diving into the glimmering sun,
Where we stand soft golden sands
Bonding love with our hands…

Under a bowery of leaves beam
Golden heavens canopy this dream,
From the very roots of my heart
Growing to cherish never apart…

Sweet solitude in the mountains give us peace
Branching through love, our souls’ release,
A child once young & free
Your spirit always carried with me…

Moments. My dear friend gave me a book that expressed the connection between surfing & living in the moment. It’s a way of life that as a surfer, you’re blessed to come to understand…no paddle, no surf…no samsara, no nirvana…essentially, life is going to be equally full of “suffering” as joy…

I found, followed, created & cultivated my own happiness in Ireland..many now ask why I can’t do that here at home in the United States…I don’t believe that I could not…or that any one place offers any more joy or disappointment than the other…I am amazed by the love & generosity of my friends & family here! I’ve been gifted so much…from clothes to keep me warm to a new loving home for my pups to food in my belly! Or a roof over my head! I am continually blessed & grateful for these people & places that feel like home. I know that I am suffering to leave loved ones & miss meaningful moments…I’ve already missed many & will continue to with sadness & longing…for my roots are here & they run deep, strong with generations of love! …branching!…growing!…sharing!

So just as a cutting taken from this tree, these things are in every way still with me…parts of my very soul now transplanted to lay down my own roots! to weave into the nourishing earth…to rise a strong trunk to stretch with the vibrant sun…& to extend the branches to bear the fruits of all of the love surrounding me.

Here, I have found my balance between both life’s disappointments & joys…because here I have started to build a life in which I can live in the present…& be grateful for the moments…it’s all that any of us can ever do, anywhere! We are only promised moments…not even minutes, nor hours, nor days or years…just moments! How we live is how we choose to respond in those moments…do we react with fear, judgment or negativity? Or do we give love, patience & hope?

My heart overwhelms in gratitude when I think about the moments that I’ve experienced in all of my life leading up to this point…the memories cherished from a child to now, always guided by such a loving family…I feel this when we gather around the dinner table…where I once sat without a partner, now bestowed & adorned with an Irish linen cloth so that we may always join them…I give thanks, instead of taking these moments for granted in life, of breath! as I sat with my parents in the hospital last week…I give thanks, instead of regret for the moments holding my sweet nephews to sleep…I give love! instead of fear for each & every moment that I can share with Robin…no matter where we are in the world, together or apart.

My family always reminds me of my roots, & I won’t ever forget where I came from. I spent the past weekend visiting them & my dear Granny Duke as we celebrated years of her willful work, perseverance & faith to see her dream through…I couldn’t have felt any more connected to her, wearing the golden necklace from my mother, from hers, & from hers…generations of all of us connected in spirit, as I watched Granny work, directing with that southern moxie, fierce independence & timely smile…her work was not just honored in it’s completion, the outcome would never have mattered, but by the love & energy that could be felt between every person along the way, there & in spirit, that came together to praise & support her. She created a space for us to gather & celebrate, & the spirit of my mothers & fathers will always live on between the bowery of those wooden beams…as well as in me with the work that I have begun in Ireland.

Granny took me to my forever home in the mountains, the place where as children we swam in the golden, silver streams, glimmering light our eyes & lush evergreen canopies to shelter…& I remembered all the moments shared…picking berries, making jam, lighting fires, collecting rocks, hunting for skinks, walking the road, hiking the hill, swimming in the cool water, stomping, dancing to bluegrass, sharing meals, sitting to yaw the day away & reading myself to sleep…life in Ireland couldn’t be any closer to home…for this is our heritage…& from that island…across the sea…to the mountains…I came to be…

the fall…

there is a place that I can go
where the beauty surrounding equals that within far below.
i feel the earth under my feet
i stop and stretch to slow down for these roots run deep.
i dive untouched under the ocean swell
for this is my home in the country, in love i fell.

down in the valley there is a field
sun shines golden on your skin
i turn to you to tip your hat
bestowed with a simple man’s grin.

i feel the warmth upon my face
cascading free along the waves
if the darkness takes me under and i can’t breathe
i look to the light and am freed.

i hear the siren’s silent call
echoing the resonance within the tree
each beating part of an infinite universe in perfect harmony.

out of the darkness now I can see
a beautiful spirit equally happy and free
for this is where our garden grows
full of promises yet to be known
our loves run, swim and play
grateful for each moment, each day.

It’s amazing the power of your intentions when you put them down in writing…or create something with your hands…perhaps it could only be magic…an energy escaping from your very soul, fingertips to release every line, every story, every molecule of your being that brought you to where you are right here in this moment…letting them go…& gifting them in love…where does that energy go? I never imagined how much it could be shared until now…

I wrote this poem two years ago…lonely & isolated, discontent & burdened…drowning…saved by the sea…I shared my dreams…& now they are all becoming realized…

I fell in love in the garden…serendipity & courage redirected my path there…but i was never alone…even across the Atlantic, I stood east facing the rising sun…& could feel his energy pulling me….I stood east facing the onshore winds… & could hear him calling me home…& i gave thanks.

I found a garden in County Clare, Ireland… & i created a path, & upon that, i knew that i had found a home…for all the years’ that i had struggled…for all the tears that i had shed…had been the intentions of all of my hopes, my dreams…gifted to the universe, so that my burden & heart would be lightened…

this wasn’t always the path that i sought…blinded, i foolishly followed others’…i gave away those dreams, seeking worth in what i could be to them…i gave myself, all of my energy away, often until there was nothing left but an empty shelf…

one year ago, i found renourishment in the sun & the sea…I allowed myself to let everything go…& found the love in myself, in return, in Portugal. I like to pretend that here I became a mermaid:)

…but I continued to drift, & finding my legs on land, giving way…breathless…until i could find my home in the sea again.

In our home in Lackamore, there has always been this energy…this warmth…peace…& comfort…that has carried me through all of the numbing challenges of life alone on the hill… the warmth of the rising sun having finally heated my bed, cold the night before as i would curl up, legs to chest, as i am now able to stretch…catching glimpse the whimsy of the skateboard I keep in the corner of the room, to remind me to be brave & bold!…reaching for a sweater, kept clean & dry to shelter me from the winds & rain, within the antique mahogany dresser, a scent to remind me of the equal shelter of my parents, grandparents’ homes…to the warmth of the morning light of the kitchen, as my eyes begin to open, windows now also as i can greet the weather… or dancing! the music shared as the sounds renew my energy, & the laughter overflows!…or to a place to rest my feet, tired from the days’ long work, or to share a meal with the once strangers now family that have also nourished me in love in this home…as the hunger in my belly, now also filled by the nourishment placed on these wooden shelves…where I could pour my heart into creating a meal to share in love! from the very work of our own hands! this energy has surrounded me…we have survived the challenges of the cold & rejoiced in the warmth of the sun…always together…for I wouldn’t have made it through the Summer without him & this energy, let alone the height of the last days’ harvest, as we celebrated its end…& the beginning of the Fall…

We weren’t supposed to be here…but something did bring our paths together…& having intersected that one day last week in the garden, eyes greeting over a bucket of salad & a bewitching smile…in the kitchen of our home, lips meeting over a mixing bowl & a lovers’ dance…in the sea, bodies flowing over a wave & underneath a child’s playground…& by creating a beautiful space to share, I found the carpenter of my soul…& now our paths continue on together…

for it was he whom had also shared that bed in the midst of winter…& he whom had built those shelves…& those were his belongings left behind that i was cherishing…all there to keep me warm.

So now in October, we will meet in Portugal, & then he will take me home to Clare…where our garden grows, full of promises yet to be known.