soul food

The fiery orange montbretia flowers gave tell that Summer was fading away, just as the loose clothing on my body’s frame pushed me to spend more time in the kitchen. It’s easy to be inspired here when the most amazing food is at your doorstep & within arms’ reach…you just need to take the time…the time to sow…the time to nourish…the time to gather…the time to harvest…the time to share…& the time to preserve for winter.

I’ve been learning a lot about discipline. commitment. detachment. giving.

Inspired by the creative energy harnessed inside to write! organize! brainstorm! while confined by the ever-changing sunlight to tropical mist to blustery conditions outside…I became addicted to tea…& sweets. I realized that I had completely lost any self-control in giving my body what it really needed…sugar & caffeine were an inadequate substitute for a nourishing buzz to keep up my pace…& only left me with the pangs of a bitter hangover: throbbing head, swollen, dark eyes & regret.

I had also stopped taking the time to walk & give thanks back to the earth in the mornings, not so much because of any previous awkward run-ins with my farmer friends, but because I had become so caught up in accomplishing these goals & taking care of others, that I forgot the importance of taking care of myself. Ferg has been an ever-constant reminder that everything else could fall into place for the day if you simply started it with a little bit of meditation & yoga. This morning, I took the time again to walk the road…harvesting blackberries and staring back at my butterscotch cows in meditation…& the sun rise seemed to smile back at me when I turned my back for another look. I walked inside, undressed & stood bare in front of the mirror. I took note of my changed posture: cheeks taught, shoulders high, clavicles deep, sternum pooled, hips tucked…but a supple well-nourished strong body…I lightly stroked my skin in the directions needed to elongate, letting go of my breathing to it’s own natural pace, & watching my chest expand with every deep breath. My body finally let go of it’s tension…& served as a reminder to better take care of my own.

I’ve been mad for baking & cooking up something special for others from my harvesting forages…”Bachelor Mint Cacoa-nut Biscuits” to help heal…”Aran Island Apple Omelets” for a happy accident & good laugh…a vase of “Rainbow Spinach Surprise Flowers” for an unexpected refreshment…a pan of “Lackamore Lasagne” & “Fried Green Lean-to-matoes” to warm my lonesome soul left here to my own devices…and “Black & Blue Berries”, as I saved the last harvest of his favorite, only to be left battered & bruised…forgotten.

But I never forget what has brought me & keeps me here. It’s beyond any fleeting attachment. It is my commitment to giving…and this community’s giving that I commit to. One night, set to be alone here on the hill, stubbornly self-sufficient in my mission, was surprised by this beautiful gift from my neighbor. Thistle & wheat to adorn it’s thoughtfulness, I finally made the time to return the favor…and the favor was returned again ten-fold over tea (herbal, non-caffeinated:)…As traditional as their tea, we talked of the Irish culture of how everything was just “grand”… in the lack of open expression, affection or awareness at times…I told her of my own “grand” story…as she related how some hearts merely haven’t learned how to be open enough to not fear such beautiful things.

The realization came to be that these hearts waver back & forth like the tides…pushing & pulling, forces of water that slowly erode even the strongest of rocks into the softest of sands over time…under my fingers, under my feet…I graciously accept them as we travel along these paths…always choosing love for mine.