June 17, 2013

Today & every day, I am grateful for my family…

The days are passing. I’m on day 8/12 in a row with 12 more days left to work & and 21 days until I leave…

I’m still waiting on a replacement passport so I can send off for a replacement visa…

I’ve only booked a one-way ticket to Bali & can’t give my family a definite date when I plan to return from who knows where?…

The hospital has posted my position, & there’s already 3 therapists lined up to take my place…

I will have to give away my beautiful home on Davis Islands and start packing…

The lists keep growing & time gets shorter & shorter. This past week I cried for the children that I would miss holding at work, the babies born to my best friends, and my nephew cuddling with me in our favorite chair…

Yet I hold strong. My purpose doesn’t waver. I can let go of the attachments that have held me back & hold onto those that give me strength…

because I have faith…
and I have the unconditional love of a family…
my friends & family have already given me so much…and when all else fails, they are there, and will continue to be a part of this journey…

My life will continue on no matter where I am living or what I am doing because everything that I need is within…

My heart & hands will continue to give, to help heal & to hold…and to feel happy:)

June 8, 2013

Where to begin? Where to end? How does one tell a story? One’s own story…a story of “la sirena” and the sea…

I threw myself into the sea. in love. in courage. in sadness…in wonder. in purpose. in gratitude…

A child of mother ocean and a Navy family, my currents run deep. My mother taught me to swim. My father taught me to float. My sister saved me from drowning. My brother saved me from myself.

The ocean is my home. my constant. my sanctuary. Here I am free. free to swim. free to float. free to fall. free to rise…

“I feel the sun shine warm upon my face
Cascading free along the waves…
If the darkness takes me under and I can’t breathe,
I look to the light and am freed”

The path, light & darkness and every shade in between, is not always clear. But my heart is transparent.

A ten-year old patient of mine asked:
“Miss Alexis, do you have a boyfriend?
Noooo.
“Miss Alexis, do you have a husband?”
Noooo.
“Yes you do! You’re married to the sea!”

This same patient also instinctively asked me if I was “ok” when I was not.

I am grateful for all the people and places that have brought me to this moment. In love & loss. I built my life upon a series of plans & expectations after another, and when they could not be met, I was broken. I was so lost I didn’t even realize, until I was found…I peeled my broken heart up off the floor day after day, week after week, month after month, and gave it to the sea…

Until one day, I was free…

Free to live a life safe above the heavy waves that hold us under…free to not fear the dark depths and of the unknown…free to ride the pull of the tides, instead of fighting against them…

The universe is more powerful than any words can contain. She listens and she answers. When we let go, our heart & minds are open to, in return, answer her call. I am too grateful to let this open channel pass me by.

I have made sacrifices. I am taking chances. I am letting go of possessions and the security that life here at home affords me. I do not fear the unknown. I am not running away from or trying to find anything. I have faith in the good that we can all be a part of:)

I am standing on the shore,
Facing the ocean,
Ready to let go…
Un paso a la vez…