Today & everyday, I am grateful for the changes that the ocean brings…
Fog. I awoke to grey today. I could no longer see the ocean out my window, but I could hear it just the same. Waves rolling in & crashing. Sunlight filtered. Yesterday a sky cloudless blue & perfect welcomed me as I explored Ericeira, Portugal where I’ve decided to make “home”…until my next destination…captivated by living off what the sea can bring me.
…But it’s not home. This sunlight & haze equally fills the tides in my mind. I’m surrounded by the beauty of a simple, quiet life alone. I hiked the steep cliffs for miles undisturbed & mesmerized along the rising sea swell & desert foliage. Part of me wished I could be with my friends, my family, a lover…
The ocean has been my true love & with it I never feel alone. A challenge in this culture as all of your senses are seduced. I see lovers hands’ grazing the curves of bodies… I hear the native romantic sound off their lips…I taste the sweet vermillion wine off mine…I feel the warmth of the dry sun & sand under my palms & feet…the wind arching golden grains against a setting sun into the deepest of blue…somewhere across that ocean is my home…where my friends & family are living.
Fog fills my mind if I try to make a plan to decide what to do next. So many options can be confusing, drifting without an anchor. I know what I ultimately want in life & where to be but how to start? For I am here now & the only clarity is to live in gratitude for the moment. Nothing else is promised. Everything changes.
At the beach yesterday, I ran into my 19 year old hostel-mate that was disappointed with his surfing as he feared the currents pulling him out too far & had psyched himself out. I had taken my time to see that the waves were too big & disorganized to risk it in unfamiliar conditions. I told him how surfing taught me to be patient, to not fear the unknown & to not expect outcomes as the tides, wind & swell was always changing day-to-day. He was comforted as I said that we’d go together next time & it would be a better day as we equally were stoked about what surfing has brought to our lives!
Today I had to be more than patient & courageous. Despite the plan & my excitement to get in the ocean again, I awoke to immense fog. I passed time repairing my board & when the sun finally came out, we made our trek. With one working brake & my boardbag clung around my back, on bikes we climbed up & soared down the hills until the beach. We had thoughtfully planned where & how we would paddle out. With 4/3 full wetsuit & booties the Atlantic was still cold. We positioned ready to surf the point break, but then the fog rolled in. Visibility was less than 15′ around. I couldn’t see the cliffs above or the beach from where we started. At some point, I couldn’t see Morten, as he sat way out, & said prayers that his fear of drifting out to sea wouldn’t ring true. As the time passed trying to catch a wave, I knew that the tide was dropping exposing more reef & I needed to find a way in. Finally Morten reappeared as more surfers disappeared down the head-high set waves back to the beach. I caught a wave in but couldn’t see once the whitewash caught up to me. When I finally could see, the rocks were 5 feet away & I was still in the impact zone. I tried to paddle but my board then sat on the reef. One step over, I couldn’t stand as my feet sunk into the rocks. The waves fortunately were not strong enough to push or hold me down being that shallow, but I stayed calm & found a way out. I made my way to the shore.
There was nothing that I could have done to control the fog, waves, reef or any outcome as the result, much like anything else in life. But it was a lesson learned & I am more than grateful that the only minor injury was to my board.
Sometimes the fog in our lives brings forth clarity. Sometimes we drift out to sea. But I know that with love & gratitude, I can always find my way back to my home shore.
The Gratitude Leap 